36 questions to fall in love is a list of questions compiled by researchers and psychologists to develop intimacy and bonding among strangers.
However, these questions do not target to transform feelings of hatred into love… but they can significantly increase the bonding and closeness with the answerer.
I’m sure there must be a lot of questions in your mind such as what are the 36 questions? How are they supposed to be played? Whether or not they work? Should we give 36 questions a try? …and so on.
Don’t worry, I will answer all your queries in this article one after another… and also list all the 36 questions.
So, are you ready to fall in love? Let’s not delay the process any further and first begin with a detailed understanding of this concept.
What are the 36 questions to fall in love?
SUMMARY
36 questions to fall in love is a list of 36 questions compiled by psychologists and researchers to help two strangers fall in love or trigger intimacy.
A set of 36 questions was designed by the psychologist in the 1990s that is proven to help develop the bonding among two people.
The psychologists are Arthur Aron, Ph.D., Elaine Aron, Ph.D., accompanied by a few researchers. They conducted a special study to discover if two strangers can fall in love and develop an intimate bonding just by asking a series of 36 questions to each other.
The experiment gained a lot of popularity after being published on the New York Times modern love column by Mandy Len Catron in 2015. She also stated a real-life experience where she herself tried the experiment on a person whom she later married.
All that cannot be just a rumor!
The psychologists and researchers have sufficient claims to back their conclusions as well.
Now that you are up for the exercise, let’s see the right way to ask the 36 questions with a step-by-step guide.
The Right way to ask the 36 Questions – Step-by-Step Guide
The 36 Questions game only works when you know the right step-by-step process and follow it carefully. So, make sure you read this section with absolute attention.
Step 1: Find a partner to play
At first, you need to find a person whom you like and you would want to increase your bonding with. It can be a stranger or even a familiar person. Even friends and family members can experiment with this exercise to feel close to one another.
Step 2: Seek your partner’s consent
Before you begin with the 36 questions you should ensure that the partner is comfortable exercising it and sharing personal thoughts with you.
Step 3: Keep 45-minutes in hand
The game is estimated to take about 45 minutes and it has to be played in-person for best outcomes. Be patient and try to play it with a buffer of 5-10 minutes, so that you are not in a hurry.
Step 4: Follow the alternative pattern
Both of you should answer each question in an alternative order. This will give both the partners the first chance each time. If you divide 36 questions into three individual sets, it will take you 15 minutes to complete one set and 45 minutes to complete all three sets.
Step 5: Talk about your pent-up feelings
Since the objective of the 36 questions remains developing intimacy and bonding between the two people, you must ensure that you do not hesitate in speaking out your mind.
Let all the bottled-up feelings and emotions come to the surface so that the person sitting in front of you can meet the real you. It is all about being comfortable while exposing your inner personality to the person with whom you are playing this game.
Step 6: Be attentive and listen to the answers
Remember, if you really want this 36 questions game to work, you need to stay attentive. Be present throughout the exercise. Don’t be lost in your own thoughts.
Step 7: Respect your partner’s free will
You must not force a person if he or she refuses to answer a particular question. However, skipping too many questions will make the game ineffective.
Now that we have been through a quick and short guide on how to play the game, let’s move ahead with the most awaited part of the article… that is…
36 Questions to Fall in Love – The List
The ideal list of 36 questions is divided into 3 sets by the psychologists each with 12 questions.
Set I
- Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
- Would you like to be famous? In what way?
- Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
- What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
- When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
- If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
- Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
- Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
- For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
- If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
- Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
- If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
Set II
- If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?
- Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
- What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
- What do you value most in a friendship?
- What is your most treasured memory?
- What is your most terrible memory?
- If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
- What does friendship mean to you?
- What roles do love and affection play in your life?
- Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
- How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
- How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
Set III
- Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling…”
- Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”
- If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
- Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
- Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
- When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
- Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
- What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
- If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
- Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
- Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
- Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
After the guide, the list, I’m sure you want to know more about the research…
The research about 36 Questions that lead to love
The 36 questions were compiled by a team of psychologists and researchers: Arthur Aron, Ph.D., and Elaine Aron, Ph.D., a couple.
The qualified researchers and psychologists have spent years on end studying the formation and other psychological changes related to love. In the year 1997, the team prepared and published an article in the Personality And Social Psychology Bulletin.
It is described as an experiment in which a pair of strangers asked each other 36 questions. After this, the strangers were asked to spend 4 minutes looking into each other’s eyes. What followed was astonishing.
The researchers along with the psychologist couple stated that the lucky pattern related to the development of an intimate relationship among strangers is sustained escalating, reciprocal, personal, and self-disclosure – as they say in the paper.
The core of the experiment was to structure self-disclosure between strangers.
Self-disclosure refers to the process where two people reveal personal information such as self-identity, likes, dislikes, and common choices. All the vibing and the process of self-disclosure lets the two strangers know about each other and get closer; this, in turn, builds feelings of intimacy, and understanding in them.
Elaine Aron clearly stated in one of her blog posts that these questions were not actually designed to fall in love, but they were simply designed to create closeness among two people.
The questions could be used to help a married couple reconcile their fight and get close to each other. It could also be used to help racial prejudice among people.
Does ‘36 questions game’ really work?
SUMMARY
Research suggests that it does with sufficient evidence. In fact, the researchers themselves felt closer to one another after answering the devised questions.
The psychologists are of the opinion that initially, they did not appreciate the repetition of a single type of question. But talking about a certain topic repeatedly helped them have an open-ended discussion on the specific topic. It resulted in a deep understanding of each other’s choices.
The questions that led to positive complimenting became the biggest love language of the psychologist couple.
After answering the list of questions, the couple definitely felt close to one another. The questions have several other couples who fell in love too.
Catron married the man with whom she had exercised the experiment. There are some other examples too. Daniel Jones said that he had no statistics of couples who had benefited from the questions but he remembers a few contacting him directly.
Can two strangers fall in love with 36 questions?
SUMMARY
Two people might not fall in love with 36 questions, but they definitely come closer to each other and form a bond.
The 36 questions are selected and compiled to develop intimacy among strangers. The strangers are not necessarily going to fall in love but the researchers have proven developing intimacy among them.
Most importantly the goal of the research was not to initiate a long-lasting relationship. It was a momentary goal where the strangers should feel close to each other developing a bond.
The researchers have prepared a concept where two people can come close to each other but they do not guarantee dependence, reliability, loyalty, commitment, and other relationship aspects. It all starts from a close bonding between two people but destiny depends upon the personal choices of strangers.
Are you still wondering why you should try the 36 questions game? Scroll down to find your answer.
Why should you try the 36 questions game?
SUMMARY
You should give a try to 36 questions to develop a deep connection with a person you like. It also helps you check its effectiveness rather than depending upon other sources.
If you have a person towards whom you are affectionate and want to get intimate, there’s no harm in trying 36 questions. Or in other words, if you want to develop deep bonding with a person, experimenting with these 36 questions can be one of the best steps to initiate the bonding.
This will not just help you understand the effectiveness of the experiment but it will also be a positive start towards the freshly developing connection.
Alternatively, you can also try playing the 36 questions game with a person with whom you initially shared a good connection, but the connection has been through some negative, domestic issues over time.
Most importantly, rather than believing in the results and claims of the experiment, it is best if you can give it a try yourself.
Especially when it does not cost you money or much time, all it takes is just 45 minutes to complete the exercise which you can definitely spare for constructive bonding.
Final Words!
While falling in love is an altogether different feeling, feeling close to one another is definitely a start
If you are ready to fall in love with a person of your liking, the 36 questions game is the best thing that you can keep handy.
Rather than questioning the effectiveness of the questions, it will be much better if you try it yourself because after all, it’s just about 36 questions and 45 minutes!
Sources
2. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/0146167297234003
3. https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/36_questions_for_increasing_closeness
